Since end of 2019, I’ve been reading posts here and there about year-in-review and all these 2020 life goals and objectives in order to get some motivation to write. But like the most part of 2019, I still find it hard to share something and pour my heart out here. I did some assessment to check what causes this dificulty and evaluate whether I’m just lazy of thinking and writing.
I once said that 2018 was my year, but in 2019, I felt that everything was fake. Chaos happened at the start of that year and from then on, I became distant to everyone to the point that eventually, I even logged out from my social networking accounts. It was really a struggle that I kept on fighting until middle of 2019. I pretended to be okay but fear and doubt crept in rapidly that it became unbearable for me to socialize. Thus, the withdrawal.
I believe I made great efforts in sharing at least my travel photos usually a week after my trip. Sometimes, I get the hype of getting into it again that I was able to even reply to some comments and even commented on some posts, but I always tend to go back to being reserved.
2019 wasn’t an easy year, but it was a peaceful year. I won’t say that it was an untroubled year, but I am confident to say that it was a fulfilled year. I reaped the benefit of staying away online and enjoyed what’s on the physical realm. Limiting my connections to only a few gave me a soothing and calming vibe, and I was grateful that all other aspects of my life did great. It is true that in this world, there is no such thing as meaningless hardship.
For ten days since the start of the year, I looked for an answer on how I would view my 2020. Same as the majority of the Filipinos who are hopeful this new year, I believe I am also expecting it will be one for me. But as I have always mentioned, I can’t seem to find the right term on how I feel about it.
Until yesterday, when Jeff introduced to me the idea of infinite game during the recording of our podcast, I realized that I don’t need to have a grand plan for the year. I came to understand that a new year or a new decade need not always be welcomed with a firework of magnificent desires and ambitions. Infinite game gave me the perspective that continuing on what I have started is actually a significant intention to live by.
Listen to our discussion below:
Before the recording, I thought I have this go-with-the-flow mindset and just wait on what will happen for the next twelve months, which made me feel quite disheartened for not having anything in mind. But after the episode, I am happy to recognize that I am actually motivated to get better – not by having an impressive makeover of my habits, not by discovering an awe-inspiring talent or hobby, and not by doing a major change in the way I live – but by focusing on this infinite game and taking to heart that it’s okay to take small steps slowly; that it’s okay to sometimes wander and wonder; and that it’s okay to just lie down in bed the whole day doing nothing because ovecoming and staying alive every single day is actually a huge accomplishment.
I might’ve be behind time and past the trend of wishing you all a flourishing year, but know that it is the desire of my heart for you to have one.