Envy consumed me a bit the other day upon knowing that one of my friends is expecting to have a baby early next year. I asked, “How about me? Why not me?” then ended up saying, “Haaaay, as much as I want.” This has been my reminder-to-everyone-statement whenever topics about having a child are being put into discussion. I and my friends will just laugh about it with sighs in between our chuckles, and then life will go on. We don’t have any choice, anyway.
The 4th quarter of the year already kicked-in and as excited as I always am for the beginning of my birth month, an idea frequently pops up that I am not getting any younger, that my body is deteriorating, and that I am, by all means, aging. “Life is unfair,” it’s the easiest way to justify how I feel.
The story above is just one of the many scenarios in my daily life that I acknowledge being a reactive person.
Blaming my situation.
There’s-nothing-I-can-do-with-it mind set.
Observing the people around me, I realized that we all have a habit of questioning why everything happens the way they are and we tend to blame someone or a circumstance or an occurrence or even the government for making it happen.
As a basic illustration, employees are being late in the office mainly due to traffic, they say. But come to think of it, traffic has been an issue for more than two decades already. How many administrations have attempted to resolve the problem yet nothing improved, right? But are we going to live by this problem which is uncontrollable on our part or are we going to do something that is within our control? Are we going to wish that traffic will be solved overnight or are we going to sleep earlier, wake up earlier, then go to the office earlier to minimize our tardiness? See, it’s not about our circumstance but about our choice. One office mate is ranting about the traffic somewhere in Pasig, where in fact, our office is located in the same city, while other office mate is telling that she’s leaving home as early as five in the morning and travel all the way from Quezon City. Perspective.
In one of the recent episodes of our podcast, we’ve tackled about the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. The first habit that has been presented is being proactive – the habit of choice. Discussing about it reminds me that I am not a product of my circumstance, but rather a product of my choices.
Some friends are thinking why they are still single while others are somehow regretting having a family at an early age. Some people might feel inferior for being a home stay mom, while some women in the corporate yearn to quit their jobs to stay at home. Some people like me might ask why they can’t have a child since they can afford to have one or more, while others are being bothered for the possibility of having a 3rd, 4th or 5th child due to financial difficulty.
Some are asking why they can’t go out while others crave for some rest. Some wanted to be alone and quiet, while others long for a companion.
Perspective, then behavior, then result.
It is true that I don’t have a power to conceive anytime I want (what can I do, right?), but I do have a choice whether I will feel downcast about it or not. It is true that I cannot do something about my situation at the very moment, but it is in my hands if I will label it as a bad life or the other. It’s not even in my circle of control whether all my friends will have their own children and I will be left with none, but what I can control is the way I respond to it.
After all, life isn’t actually unfair contrary to how many of us see it.
Life is fair. We just have to really see it as it is.