Early this week at twelve midnight, I received this text message from an unknown sender:
“Hi good evening. I just wanted to apologize for ignoring you last time when we met. It has kept me burdened for ignoring you, for still having bitterness inside me, for having an unforgiving heart. And by these, I realize I wasn’t being a witness of Christ. And it has kept me burdened day and night. I am really sorry.”
My mind ran through every possible person that got offended by me in the previous years. There’s a lot, I admit, but I couldn’t pinpoint this particular person who deliberately ignored me.
I have images inside my head and the long list slowly diminishes by the clues I gathered from the message. Skills.
First, we probably have the same faith; might be attending the same church, actually. Here, I had a total of six individuals in mind. Second, this person is confident in speaking English, which made me cross out three names.
While I’m sending my response, asking who he/she is, my mind keeps on thinking who among the remaining three is the real sender and when was it that I got ignored?
Guess what? Yeah, the answer is a completely different person and I was reminded by how he ignored me the last time we met. (If you’re one of the lucky [or not?] readers who was able to open my last blog post, he’s one of those who confessed to me in the past and got rejected. No judgment, pls, I’m not proud of it.)
Two learnings I recalled –
- “Holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die.” In his message, lingering an unforgiving heart actually kept him burdened day and night. How awful was that, really? He might be thinking that I got mad the night I was ignored, but seriously, I totally forgot everything about it – like nothing happened, like no one cares. Let’s not sugarcoat words here.
- “To forgive is to set a prisoner free, only to finally discover that the prisoner was you!” The supressed feeling of wanting to move forward but the pain still knocks as hard as it could that you can’t achieve silence and peace? I fully understand it. Been there and done that. We just have two choices: To either sensationalize the feeling of being a victim and prolong the agony of being hurt or forgive and move on.
Also, I realized that no matter how kind and how nice your words are, if you will be rejecting a person or say goodbye to a person, he/she will certainly be wounded, in any way. But it will still be the right decision to say those stingy words than to stay as #paasa and #pafall – labels thrown upon me.
Ooops! Enough of it.
I just pray that may we learn to stop all the drama and remind ourselves that the world is not revolving around us – for we are not the main character of this life story – and may we learn to really live a life with the audience of One. Yup, you got it right! The main character and the sole audience is one and the same God.
Let’s forgive one another, guys. It’s already 2018, anyway.