* This is a late post.
Staring blankly on the television. Switching channels. Checking for a volleyball game or anything that could take my attention.
Picking up my phone – then reminded that I am on a social media hiatus for 42 days. No flooded notifications to administer. No group chats to back-read. No text messages. Phone battery lasts longer than the past days.
While many people are still struggling on the roads of Metro Manila, tired on the daily traffic life of the city, here I am in the comfort of my new unit, with both AC and electric fan running due to the extremely hot temperature brought by the season.
There were meals to prepare but no appetite to eat. There were books neatly organized on the side table but no interest on picking up one. Carrying my laptop and hard drive from the bedroom, thinking what was the last episode I have watched.
Yawning. Wondering if I could go to sleep as early as 8 in the evening.
Gosh. What’s happening with me?
I’m not okay.
I just read a response from a counselling I sought about a certain issue in my life. Her stand remains the same as mine – not easy choices. I am expecting to get a different one. Something that is favourable upon me. Something that could justify the desires of my heart.
My eyes are perspiring.
Looking outside the glass wall from the 16th floor, another condominium in the neighbourhood flashes a bright message, “In God We Trust.”
My mind runs by again with Peter’s example on trusting and obeying Jesus. He said in Luke 5:5, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
Yet again, I reflect. Will I still follow His direction wholeheartedly despite that it seems pointless to do what He wants me to do? This is actually the exact moment that His instruction looks futile… or maybe I just can’t really comprehend His plans and His ways for me.
Taking out my Bible and journal, scribbling with my glittery blue frixion while highlighting verses in between, I came across to this:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I pray that in this particular situation I am into, I would be like Peter, who chose to trust and obey Jesus, because “When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break (Luke 5:6).”