I prayed to God regarding His plan for my blogging activity and He lead me back to the main reason why I started it – to inspire people. Then images of five women came into my mind and without hesitation, they immediately said yes when I asked them to be my guest bloggers for the month of March.
As a kick-off to this series, I am highly favoured to become an avenue for this woman to finally come out in the light and tell her story – basically how the Lord picked her up and restored her because indeed, it is all about Him.
I had the privilege to dine out with a set of friends last December before leaving the country. There was this absurdity of feeling – uncomfortable, perhaps, may seem to be the right term, since I am not used to what they call group date. As conversation went on, there I was, giving them an impression of me, which I believe, of one who’s drunk – with words coming out from my mouth without any substance at all. But two of their questions then hit me. One, “What are my goals and dreams?” The second was like, if I was still having this apprehension – that notion of fear to enter into another relationship.
Though I always bring with me the list of things I want to do with my life – those drafted several months after the breakup with the five year old relationship with my then fiancé, there is one ultimate dream I couldn’t blurt out in front of these three, who achieved far and highly at their age. Mine may appear small and silly, I thought.
Until one morning, I suddenly realized how I’ve come up with this ‘aspiration’ – a vivid picture of a high school girl ardently waiting for her mother bringing her lunchbox at school during break time. It was always half past 12 before she arrives. Unlike other students who bring their lunchboxes since the beginning of the day, hers were steaming hot rice, much rice and rice-all-you-can partnered with… Believe me, this was the incessant excitement dug up from her being – that question after those gruelling hours in the classroom, “What’s inside the lunchbox today?” With the meagre money at hand, that girl doesn’t know how she was always being provided for with the best. And aside from the main dish, the non-stop exchange of stories, chuckles and giggles over any topic was considered remarkable. This routine that breaks the morning and afternoon classes, undeniably, gives her the enthusiasm and drives her to excel in school. This is my dream – that someday I will become like that mother – the one I am blessed to have.
Probably, I have answered the second question to them with still, a feeling of uncertainty. My heartbreak was not an undisclosed item. The fact that I was jilted during the wedding preparation has never been hidden privately. Like all women who have experienced a painful breakup, I went through the same struggle of walking in the process of healing day after day after day; painful and terrible indeed that I kept asking The Lord to take them all away from me. Something I have never thought I could overcome – no ounce of my own understanding and strength could explain what I felt. Overwhelming credits to Him who has never left my side nor forsaken me along the process. No words would be enough how grateful I am for the people He used to help me get back to my feet.
I observe the easiest route after feeling pained is to escape for safety, isolate oneself and build your own barricades. But days passed and I have learned that there is this kind of love that is so liberating and yet not condemning – that kind of love that looks past to human flaws and self-sufficiency; that kind that sees you as perfect, no matter what.
Now I understand what I chewed on inside my lunchbox. One day, it is brokenness; the following, a generous share of forgiveness. Next was the hot soup of grace and the freshly picked joy. And the next… I am excited about it. For love is new every morning.
Will not this lunchbox stimulate my appetite to try again?
It is inspiring that my best friend’s lunchbox is filled with her mother’s love that provides nourishment not just in her body but in her whole being. With the lavish love from her mother that reflects the abundant love from the Lord, it is obviously difficult for her not to share it out to the people that surround her and I am blessed to be one of the recipients. Like the spilling-over-meal in her lunchbox, it is evident that she could not contain the overflowing love inside her once broken, and then mended, now perfected heart.
About the Author: Katherine Ann is a graduate of Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila and is currently working as a Dialysis Nurse in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.