Mei Reyes has been attending my discipleship group at CCF since February this year. Filled with love from her cutie baby boy, Jayjay, this woman is overflowing with passion for God and compassion for people. Despite of her brokenness, she chose to inspire others through her life story. A single mom, a business woman and a full-time follower of God – from darkness to light, from chaos to peace – may we all be moved with the way Jesus moved in the life of Mei. Below is her testimony.
I wasn’t raised in a church-going or religious family but it was a good and loving home. I didn’t know who God is. I just believed that there is God but I have no relationship with Him. I pray because it’s natural to pray, especially when I need help. I see myself as a good person compared to other people. I am an obedient and respectful child, thinking that acts of kindness is a way to heaven after death. Truthfully, I always complain at the back of my mind. I follow my parents yet my heart is full of protests. Eventually, I did things out of my own curiosity, which led me to embrace bad vices such as smoking, drinking alcohols, etc. I always thought that these are normal since almost everyone is doing it. My parents didn’t know I am into these activities. Since then, I never asked for their guidance and decided on my own life.
In 2008, I went to work abroad and I met a guy. We became friends and not so long, we became a couple. In less than a year of having a relationship with him, I discovered that I am pregnant. I was worried on what my family will say about me. I knew I can hide my vices from them but not this one, they will definitely find out. My boyfriend begged me for an abortion and told me that he could not deal with being a father. I was broken-hearted and I felt rejected and used. I felt like a total idiot. I knew I was in complete misery. Nevertheless, I never blamed God for allowing these things to happen to me. Instead, I took it as a penalty for what I did recently and for all the sins that I’ve committed.
I decided to leave the guy and raise the child on my own. I ended up cutting all my communication with him and I lived a life full of bitterness and anger. I cursed him a lot. I felt sorry for myself. I felt like a total failure.
As time went by, I delivered a baby boy and dedicated my time to him. I focused on nurturing him and I enjoyed having him in my life. He is such a blessing and he completes me. All those years, I am convincing myself that I feel fine. Truth is, there is still a feeling of emptiness and anger in my heart.
It was last June 2014 when I decided to come in a worship service at CCF Center. By God’s grace, He showed me that my self-pity party was an offense to Him. He led me to an opportunity that caught my attention to finally seek to know Him. He surrounded me with people that delightfully follow Him. As the pastor discussed about ‘Walk by Faith’, I felt that God is really talking to me. The message is certainly for me. It was never an accident that I came to that place. But since I am not deep-rooted on who God is, I sometimes feel that coming to church every Sunday is an obligation and doing so pleases Him.
One topic that really struck me is ‘God is in Control, Walk by Faith’. The message tells that God is in control of everything. Absolutely everything. He is working in our lives – even in our disappointments and trials. He is on the side of those who seek Him. He is good no matter what. When He promises, it’s His responsibility to make it happen. If we walk with Him, no one can destroy His purpose and plan for our lives. This lesson really amazed me on How God put things into place according to His will. Thus, I decided to follow and accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
Since then, I started reading the Bible. I became prayerful. I consistently attended Sunday services and discipleship groups with the hunger to grow my intimacy and relationship with God. I learned to surrender uncontrollable things to Him and trust Him wholeheartedly. It is, indeed, by the grace of God that I am saved. As my journey continues, I learned that I don’t have to live with anger, bitterness, guilt, regret and shame anymore. As written in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” It is a reminder for me to never feel sorry and disgraceful with my past, but rather live in righteousness as I am already a forgiven person. I am created in God’s own image. I am wonderfully and fearfully made by Him. God loves me unconditionally and in this world, it is not actually about me, it’s all about Him. Last April 5, I completely surrendered my life to Him as I decided to be baptized and immersed in water to publicly declare that I am a believer of Jesus Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. (Galatians 2:20)
I am a work-in-progress. I still have a lot to learn in my walk with Christ. I know that I will never be perfect and I am not equipped to handle my own self. Knowing that He is with me, I am ready to face the roller coaster ride of my life. I see things through a different perspective now. I praise God that He led me on the right way. I feel so blessed because despite of my shortcomings, He chose me as His child.
Now I know that He is always faithful. He showed me His light and peace. Most of all, God gave me new strength to go on. Now I know that If everything fails, HE never will.