I thank you once again for this privilege of having freedom talking to you.
Thank you for being available all the time.
Thank you as well for easy access on Your word.
Thank you for this another day. I am really blessed with so many things.
Thank you for surrounding me with family and friends.
Though we may not see each other and talk to each other, thank you for showing your love and care to me through them.
I was able to read the first few parts of the book “For Women Only” last night.
I admit that the first sin that I committed to him was lack of respect or being disrespectful many times.
I know I won’t turn back the time in order for me to make things right between us.
I know I was wrong.
My mind is consumed with lots of “what if” and “if only” thoughts.
Yes, I have regrets. I have so much regrets with the kind of character and attitude I played before.
Nevertheless, I know that everything works for good for those who love you.
I love you, God. I want to love you. Teach me and help me to love you.
I may not understand your plans nor I can fathom what you’re thinking right now for us, I just trust you.
I know you are working… beyond my expectations.
In times of doubt, I pray that you increase my faith and hope in you.
You’ve given me only two choices in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, either to be reconciled to him or remain unmarried.
Reconciliation is impossible. The probability is somewhat remote, actually.
But honestly, if you will allow me to choose between the two, I would rather choose to be reconciled to him than get old being alone.
For me, remaining unmarried will mean that I won’t be having kids. Thus, I will get old alone.
Being alone means sadness and loneliness for me.
The truth is, I also have anxieties in terms of reconciliation.
I fear that I won’t be able to fulfill my role again as a wife.
I fear that I will disappoint and frustrate him once again.
I fear that he will get mad and he will leave me again, eventually.
Still, I guess I will be happier to be reconciled. It gives me another chance to do the right thing.
Lord, when will I know what’s your plan for me? Will we be reconciled? Will I remain unmarried?
If we will be reconciled, please prepare me in every aspect that needs preparation, especially physical aspect.
I need it. I failed on it.
Please grant me patience and endurance while waiting.
Please grow the love that I am feeling towards him.
Please help me to resist temptations.
Make me a better person and create in me a best wife and a best mother.
If I will remain unmarried… I admit the idea makes me sad.
But then again, I just need to trust you with this.
Like my favorite song says, “Christ is enough for me.”
I know that you have plans for me and your plans are bigger than mine and better than mine.
Maybe you’ll need me for my nephews and nieces? For other kids? Uplift?
Maybe you’ll need me for my family? For my friends? For my ministry?
Maybe I will be used for your greater kingdom, like being a missionary? Though this one I can’t imagine myself.
Whatever it is, God, increase my trust and hope in you.
And please… help me to resist the devil so it will flee from me.
We both know that I’m dealing with temptations right now.
So what’s your plan, Lord? I insist on knowing. Please tell me. 😀
Can I ask it in Jesus’ name? 😀
Can I say Amen? 😀